i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
