I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
