i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
