I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
