didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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