oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
