at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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