I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
