We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
