We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
