Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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