her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
