NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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