Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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