Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
