"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
