They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize