I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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