i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so let's talk penis.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
