My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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