it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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