i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Shame is for Republicans.
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