So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
