yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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