is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
