47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am mentally ready for anal.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
