"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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