instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
