Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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