Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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