you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
