He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
