you guys were way drunker than both of me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
