Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
