So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
