Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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