Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
