do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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