in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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