im drinking this country out of the recession.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
