I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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