she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
