Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
