I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
