wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
