i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
