don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
