moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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