I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
