I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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