The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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