I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
