You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
