My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
