Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
