My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
