We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
