Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
