I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
