I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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