she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
