Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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