Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
