you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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