it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
