So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
BRING THE BAGELS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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