Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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