hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So many bounce houses so little time
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
