so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
