so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
