I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
