I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
