I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
