forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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