I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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