strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
