I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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