The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
