Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
