i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
PANTIES FOUND
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