I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
