I think scott just propositioned me for sex
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
