and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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