Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
