After last night, I could never be a politician.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
